


Penance For My Sweet Prince

by godamnarmsrace



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bottom Sam, M/M, Male Slash, Porn, Sibling Incest, Slash, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-25
Updated: 2013-05-25
Packaged: 2017-12-12 22:30:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/816791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godamnarmsrace/pseuds/godamnarmsrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something happens between Dean and Sam that changes everything</p>
            </blockquote>





	Penance For My Sweet Prince

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: My Sweet Prince – Placebo (You can find the lyrics [here](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/placebo/mysweetprince.html))  
>  **Spoilers:**   Right up until and including the last episode of season two.  
>  **Beta:**[](http://eilan.livejournal.com/) **eilan**  
>  **Disclaimer:**   I don’t own them, I’m just borrowing them for a few pages of naughty fun.  
>  **A/N:** This was written as a challenge fic for[ **spn_lyrically** The porn belongs to nyaubaby cause she called dibs on it first, but the rest was written for devil_liaison and vipersunjoy and devourr aka thrived – Happy Birthday my Sweets! Also special spanks to nyaubaby for the pretty fic banner! Never thought](http://community.livejournal.com/spn_lyrically/)

_Never thought you’d make me perspire._

They barely made it to the bed.  Awkward hands stroked and clutched neither willing to let go even for a second lest the other might suddenly disappear.  Mouths fused together as if by some unseen hand, there was too much pleasure to be had for either of them to pull away, thus their clothes were hastily removed without thought or consequence.  Buttons flew in all directions, causing a nervous giggle or two, which were quickly smothered by an invading tongue.

Brothers by blood, they were about to become lovers by desire.

_Never thought I’d do you the same._

Naked they tumbled onto the bed, legs tangled together and elbows accidentally becoming weapons, as they found their way.  It was awkward, as it should have been, the way all first times were but there was also a sense of something that could not be named with mere words.  It was more than just a feeling and more than just a desire.  It was right. It was whole.  It made them complete.

There was no struggle for dominance.  Their roles had been fixed in stone long ago.  One might even say that they had been ingrained since birth.  Dean was older, so naturally he took the lead.  Pushing Sammy on his back, Dean climbed onto his brother like he was a pony and Dean was saddling up for the ride of his life.  Careful not to touch their lower bodies together, Dean instead began licking a line down Sam’s neck, his tongue dipped into the hollow at Sam’s throat, sipping at the beads of sweat he discovered pooling there.

Hot and salty, yet strangely sweet too as if Sam’s very pores were emanating sugar and he was just a big piece of candy made just for Dean’s mouth to sample.  Sammy was making little mewing noises that vibrated against Dean’s tongue with every lick and suck.  Sitting back on his heels, near Sam’s feet, Dean surveyed the banquet that was Sam laid out before him.

_Never thought I’d fill with desire._

Fuck!  Sam naked…it was…Dean’s mouth went dry.  Damn.  Sam lay there on the bed, his cock hard, jutting out proudly from his body, bumping against his firm belly with every hitch in his breath.  Dean could do nothing else but crawl up Sam’s body until his mouth was hovering over Sammy’s engorge purple cock head.  Taking a deep breath, he sucked it into his mouth, barely able to swallow the moan that threatened to escape him.

*    *    *  


  
Sam let out a sob; Dean’s scorchingly moist mouth and tongue were slowly driving him out of his mind.  It was far and away the best blowjob he’d ever had.  Dean kept doing this little thing with his tongue that had Sam’s toes curling and his hips arching off the mattress.  It had Sam wondering where and with whom Dean had leant such a thing.  But Sam shut those thoughts down almost as soon as they popped into his head.  The mere thought of his brother doing what he was doing to him, to anyone else made Sam feel a strange kind of fury that could only be attributed to a serious case of the green-eyed monster.

As fucking amazing as Dean’s tongue dipping into the slit in his cock head was, Sam suddenly needed to feel Dean’s lips against his own.  The jealousy that was thrumming through his body mixed with the desperation and desire that filled him.  With a deep groan, Sam reached down and cupped his brother’s face.  Pulling that sweet mouth from his aching cock made Sam bite his lip over its loss but he did it anyway.

“What?” Dean grunted, when Sam’s cock popped out from between his plump scarlet lips. 

They were lips that were made for sin.  Made for taboo and if anyone had asked Sam at that very moment, he would have said that they were made for blowing his brother.  But Sam didn’t want that, he wanted to taste himself on the lips that were driving him slowly mad and he needed to have Dean hard inside him.  And he needed it now!

“Please!” Sam all but begged, against his brother’s glistening lips.

Dean’s tongue was wet and hot, and tasted like coffee and sex.  Sam was instantly addicted to the flavour and he felt like he was going to jump out of his skin as Dean’s hands ghosted over his hips and ass. 

Sam couldn’t breathe, Dean’s mouth plastered on top of his saw to that but Sam’s need for oxygen wasn’t as strong as his need to be this close to his brother finally.  He was so afraid that Dean was going to pull away from him.  Sam wasn’t even sure how they’d gotten here to this moment but he knew they couldn’t stop, not now; this was fate.  It had been brewing between them for months, maybe even years and with everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours it seemed fucked up to keep denying it.

But Sam knew that if Dean started thinking too much about what they were doing it would never happen, no matter how right it felt.  Sam conflicted between the knowledge that this could all disappear in a second and his intense desire for Dean, let the only two words that could destroy it all slip from his mouth without consent.

“Fuck me!” he begged before he could stop himself and then he held his breath waiting for Dean to pull away from him, from the truth about them. 

*    *    *  


  
Dean couldn’t stop touching Sammy, he knew he should, it was there in the back of his mind, a warning, but he pushed it aside.  He didn’t want to stop, he couldn’t, and he needed to prove to himself that Sam was still here with him, that Sam was still alive and whole.

He couldn’t stop kissing Sam, the taste of his brother was so strong on his lips and it was like a drug.  He wanted to suck Sam’s cock some more but Sam wouldn’t let him break their kiss, his big hands holding Dean close.  Moaning into Sammy’s mouth, Dean ran his hands up and down the inside of Sam’s thighs.    

Doubt may have been threatening to swallow him whole but when Dean circled Sam’s rock hard cock it was with a sure hand.  With a flick of his wrist he gripped Sam’s dick, twisting his hand around the head, eliciting a strangled moan from Sam.  Pre-cum was leaking out of the end of Sammy’s cock, Dean ran a finger through it and brought it to his mouth for a taste.

Sam grabbed his wrist just as Dean’s finger touched his lips.  Sam pulled it away from Dean’s mouth and Dean wanted to cry out at its loss at least that was until Sam put Dean’s finger in his own mouth.  His eyes locked with Dean’s, as he tasted himself, his mouth scorching Dean’s finger.

Holy Fuck!

“Put it in me,” Sam suggested when he released Dean’s finger from his mouth.

Dean put his finger into his mouth adding his saliva to Sam’s, before searching for the puckered hole that he wanted in so badly he could taste it.  “Easy,” he grunted when Sam’s breath hitched and his hips jerked at his fingers invasion.

“Stop fucking around Dean,” Sam muttered, when Dean started toying with him.  Grinning he crooked his fingers, searching for the little bundle of nerves that he knew was there and that he knew would have Sammy chanting his name like he was a god.

Son of a bitch!  The boy was fucking tight!  Dean almost lost his finger when he finally brushed against Sam’s sweet spot.  “I got you,” Dean whispered, easing his finger free.

“Stay here, I’m gonna get something…you’re too tight,” Dean whispered, as he made a move to leave the bed.

“No!” Sam grunted, grabbing a hold of Dean by his aching cock.  “It’s okay.  I’m ready.  Trust me I’m ready.”

“Sammy…”

“Please…I need it,” Sam begged, rubbing the slit in Dean’s cock head.  “I want it.”

Dean let out a moan.  He had never been able to deny Sam anything and he wasn’t about to start now, not when he was drunk on needing it so much himself.  Climbing back onto the bed he lay down onto his back and pulled Sam down over him like a blanket. 

Bringing their mouths together he nipped lightly at Sam’s lips before moving to his shoulder.  Turning his head he nuzzled into the side of Sam’s face.   “You need to be on top for this.  It’ll be easier for you,” Dean whispered, his hands gripping Sam’s thighs.

Sam straddled Dean so quick Dean thought Sam was going to bounce off the bed and onto the ground in his enthusiasm.  “Steady,” he suggested, helping Sam to get his balance.

Dean held his breath when Sammy reached back and guided Dean’s weeping cock to the right spot.  Watching as Sam’s face twisted in determination and something else he couldn’t place, Dean just about blissed out as Sam began to lower himself ever so slowly.

Dean let Sam control the depth and speed of his thrusts until Sam’s eyes began to roll back into his head.  Flipping his brother onto his back Dean was careful not to break contact.  Fuck!  It was tight and the friction was an almost guarantee that Dean wasn’t going to last long, not when he’d wanted this for so long.

Sam was burning Dean up from the inside out.  Dean’s thrusts were uncontrolled and unpractised.  Nothing could have prepared him for being inside his brother.  For once, there was no darkness stealing into his soul, no hounds of hell nipping at his heels, just Sammy and the little mewing sounds he was making as he clutched Dean to him tighter and tighter.

Sam came before Dean turning his ass into a vice that had Dean tumbling after him with a string of curses and a surge of cum.  Oh, god!  Sammy looked all fucked out, his mouth was hanging open and his eyes were glazed.  Dean couldn’t breathe; he just looked at his brother and marvelled at how alive he looked.  He was here.  He was real.

Dean had done this.  Made a dark world bright again.  Made Sam breathe again.  When Sam dragged Dean’s mouth down for a shaky breathless kiss, Dean went willingly.

There had been a moment when it all ended, when everything had made sense.  A moment where everything they’d lost and everything they’d worked for made sense finally because of that very instant.  It was just a brief second or two and the feeling seemed to last forever.  Then it was over and it was back to the reality of their lives once again.

Harsh breathing echoed throughout the small motel room.  Dean’s head was buried in the crook of his brother’s neck; he panted trying to catch his breath.  Wanting to recapture the connection they’d had only seconds ago, Dean raised his head he to look at Sam, and found him staring back.  Their eyes locked and Dean saw something inside his brother’s eyes that he never thought he’d ever see directed at him.  Fear.  It sent him reeling.  What had they done?  What had he done?  He’d gone and fucked it all up.

“Dean?” Sammy whispered his voice shaky.  “Dean, you’re bleeding.” Sam reached out a hand to touch Dean’s forehead where he’d hit it on the tombstone at the cowboy graveyard earlier.  Dean shuddered and pulled back, sick to see the fear still living in his brother’s eyes.

Only moments earlier they’d been so close, as close as two people can be to one another and then suddenly without warning it was over, Sam’s voice was ringing through him like a death knell.  And then all that was left was the clumsy untangling of sweaty sticky limbs; the peaceful feeling from only second earlier had been replaced by something dirty and wrong.

Oh, god.  Dean was still inside Sammy, still inside his little brother.  It was wrong!  So fucking wrong!  He had to get out of there and away from what he’d done.  Pushing himself off the bed and out of his brother, he bit his lip when the friction of escaping Sam’s body made his cock hard again.  Dean hated himself for that, he felt  himself die a little inside and when he saw Sammy looking at his hard cock he felt bile rise up into his throat.

_Never thought I’d feel so ashamed._

Dean just made it to the bathroom in time, slamming the door closed behind him, falling to his knees in front of the toilet.  His stomach heaving up the greasy pizza and booze he consumed only hours ago, he clutched the edge of the porcelain bowl in his hands and said a prayer for their souls.

‘Oh god, oh god, oh god,’ seemed to be chanting over and over inside Dean’s head.  He sat on the cold bathroom floor with his back against the locked door.  Sammy banged on the door begging Dean to let him inside, making Dean grip his hands together tight, to stop himself from giving Sam exactly what he wanted.  After about twenty minutes of Dean ignoring him and what Dean assumed was a phone call from the motel’s night manager telling them to keep the noise down, finally Sam gave up.  But Dean could feel his brother’s presence through the door, as if Sam sat mimicking him, sitting just on the other side of the cheap wood panelling.

Snagging a threadbare towel from the rack that hung on the wall next to him, Dean wrapped it around his waist.  Brining his knees up against his chest, Dean bound his arms around them. Holding himself he slowly rocked back and forth, desperately trying to keep the anguish inside.

Hatred burned like an inferno in his gut.  It was unlike anything he’d ever experienced and it was directed entirely at himself.  He was a sick fuck.  He’d abused his little brother, his whole reason for living.  He’d abused his trust and worse broken his promise to always protect Sammy from evil and harm.  But who’d been there to protect Sam from him and his twisted desires?

In the past it had always been Dean’s conscience, telling him that his secret feelings for Sam were wrong – not that he needed his conscience the sickness in his stomach was usually enough to turn him away.  He never thought a day would come where Sam would need protection from him, especially when it had been Sam’s so called fate to turn evil and run amuck with a bunch of demon soldiers here on a sabbatical from hell.

Besides, it had always been Dean’s job to shield and shelter Sam.  It was a job their dad had given Dean when he was only four years old, he’d placed Sammy in Dean’s arms and everyday since then Dean had always held the responsibility of his brother’s welfare above his own.  It had given him a sense of pride.  It had provided him with a place in the harsh world he had been brought up in. Almost like a house, Sam was Dean’s home, his reason for living.

And he’d gone and destroyed it all.

And now Sam was afraid of him.

He’d broken it.  He’d poisoned them, damaged their souls.

Swallowing back a sob, Dean couldn’t help but remember the crossroad demon’s harsh words about his soul…‘his gutter soul’ she’d called it, as if she’d known his truest desires and fuck, she probably did.  He wondered if she had known what he was going to do to his brother…god, if he’d known, he would have begged her to take his tarnished soul to hell right then and there.

Anything to have kept Sammy safe.

*    *    *

Sam shifted uncomfortably, muscles he’d never used before screaming out their existence.  But the same pain was a reminder of how well his brother had loved him; it helped to ease the sting a little.

But it didn’t change the fact that he was pissed.  He’d gone through four seasons of emotions in the past half an hour, finally settling on blind anger after he’d breezed through rejection, fear and desperation.  Fucker!  How could Dean do this to him?  He knew that Dean would feel guilty but he didn’t expect him to close Sam out, hell he’d locked Sam out literally.

Sam’s knuckles still smarted from where he’d pounded on the locked bathroom door, the cheap wood breaking the skin.  He’d tried calling out for Dean to let him in so they could talk but to no avail.  Kicking the door in had crossed his mind and he was seriously considering it when the pimply night manager with the nasal voice, had called to ask about the noise he’d been making.

Damn it Dean!  This was fucked.  Sam needed to touch him, to make sure he was okay.  The cut on Dean’s forehead probably needed stitches but he’d probably rather bleed to death than talk to Sam.

Dean was a stubborn bastard.  He was also a secret brooder.  Always had been.  He bitched loudly to anyone who’d listen, about the little things but anything important Dean had always kept to himself.  He had to be braver, stronger.  Dean had to carry the burden whether it was his or not, it just didn’t matter, if he thought he could shoulder it then he’d try, even if it killed him.

When they were kids, Sam had been glad for Dean’s self control when it came to being afraid and his ability to make things seem better than they actually were.  But ever since Sam had gotten to an age when he saw Dean’s behaviour for what it really was, he’d hated it, the way Dean kept things to himself.  Dean expected Sam to lay his soul bare, even though he usually bitched about it when Sam actually did, but Dean felt he had a right to know Sam’s secret inner thoughts, never once letting Sam see inside him in return.  Dean was locked up tighter than a vault, and it really pissed him off when Dean shut him out, especially when it involved him.

But mostly it just hurt.

To be the one locked on the outside…the one shut out…alone.  It fucking hurt like hell.  More now than ever before.

Sam shivered, even though he’d taken the time to get dressed in clean clothes, there was a chill that saturated his bones.  When Dean’s phone rang somewhere in the room hidden in a pocket made of denim, Sam almost jumped out of his skin.  Scrambling across the floor on his hands and knees, Sam grabbed a hold of Dean’s jeans and fumbled trying to get the phone before the caller gave up.

Too late.

The caller ID read ‘Bobby’ and it gave Sam an idea.  If Dean wouldn’t come out or let him come in…maybe he’d talk to Bobby…on the phone.

A quick search through the menu of Dean’s phone resulted in what Sam was looking for, and a few seconds later he slid the phone under the locked bathroom door and grabbed his own, dialling quickly.

“Bobby just tried to ring you but I didn’t get to it quick enough.  He’ll probably ring back,” Sam said, pressing send on his phone when Dean’s number was lit up across the screen.

*    *    *

Dean picked up his phone and checked the missed calls.  Bobby had called.  Clasping the phone in his hand Dean resumed his former position, wrapping his arms tight around his knees.  He couldn’t seem to get warm.  The smart thing would be to put some clothes on but he couldn’t bring himself to leave to confines of the small grubby bathroom, it might be cold but it felt safe…for the moment.  And he wasn’t ready to face Sam just yet.

Fuck!  Dean felt like he was going to be sick again.  He knew that the feelings for Sammy had always been there, just as he’d always known that they were wrong.  He’d done everything he could to ignore them, to bury them deep inside him in the dark place that ate at his soul.  He’d made a promise to himself and to a god he didn’t even believe in, that he’d never act on them.  Never.

The sharp shrill ring of his phone cut through him like a knife.  Looking at the caller ID he felt relief when he saw Bobby’s name flashing up at him, a tiny part of him had hoped it might be Sam but he thrust those feelings aside.

“Bobby?” he said, biting his fist trying to hide the sob that was threatening to escape.

“Dean?  Don’t hang up please!” Sam’s voiced cried out through Dean’s phone.

Dean took his phone away from his ear and looked at the called ID one more time.  It still said Bobby, which didn’t make any sense unless, “What did you do to my phone Sam?” he growled.

“I just switched the numbers around in menu but Dean you gave me no choice.  We need to talk,” Sam urged.

Ignoring Sam’s words, Dean questioned him further, “Did Bobby really ring?  I thought I heard the phone ring a couple of times.”

“Yeah, the night manager rang to tell me to stop banging on the walls and then Bobby rang but I missed his call,” Sam replied, his words echoing through the thin wooden door between them.

“Well, you’re right Bobby might call back.  It could be important.  We should hang up now,” Dean said, pulling the phone from his ear.

“Dean!  Wait!” Sam’s voice cried out, making the muscles in Dean’s jaw clench tight.

“What?” he hissed, the phone pressed back against his ear.

“We need to talk.  You need to talk to me,” Sam whispered, his words firm but still they sounded unsure.

“I…I can’t Sam…I’m not ready…What I did to you…It was wrong…” Dean muttered, his words breaking with his voice into thousands of pieces, he felt them littering the floor around him.  Tiny little pieces of piercing pain, just waiting for his blood to colour them.

“No!” Sam practically yelled into Dean’s ear.  “You don’t get to do that!  You didn’t do anything to me Dean!  We did it together.  What happened… _I_ wanted it and _you_ did too…so get over it!  It’s done and fuck, Dean I _wanna_ do it again…don’t _you_?”

Dean was shaking his head in denial at Sam’s admission, even as his cock was tenting the threadbare towel.  Sam was confused, Dean told himself.  That was all it was Sam’s confession was nothing but a confused solution to a fucked up situation.  It had to be because Dean had seen the fear in his brother’s eyes.  Sam was afraid of him end of story and he need to remember that fact no matter what his little brother tried to tell himself.  “No!” Dean whispered his answer fervently.  “No.  What I want is to get some clothes on and get another room.”

“Dean please!” Sam begged.  “That’s not what you want…please…Dean…please.”

“No.  We can’t.  I can’t.  I don’t want it.  I don’t!” Dean spoke each word slow and clear, so that there could be no mistaking them.  “I want you to have never died.  I want to never have to hold you bleeding in my arms again but most of all I really, really don’t want to talk about this now.  I just can’t…okay?”

Dean heard Sam’s sigh through the door before it made it to him through the phone.  A slight delay…and for that brief moment Dean wanted to open the door and take Sammy into his arms.  But he couldn’t…wouldn’t…not again.  Never again.

Dean knew his fate.  He was headed straight for hell but he’d be damned twice before he’d let Sam join him in its fiery bowels.  
Dean ended the call.  Getting to his feet, he washed his face with frigid water in the rusty bathroom sink.  Looking up, he froze.  The face in the mirror had judgement written all over it.  The verdict - he was guilty…a sinner beyond redemption.

Letting out a deep sigh, Dean’s breath rattled out of his chest.  He needed to shake himself free of his guilt at least for the moment.  It was a weakness he could ill afford.  But damn, he really didn’t want to go back into the other room wearing just a threadbare towel, not when he knew Sam was going to be there waiting for him, his big brown, puppy dog eyes begging.  And worse still, the bed where they’d committed their sin would be there, ready and waiting for them to compound it by repeating it.  And he wanted to…fuck he wanted to.

Dean stared at the tiny window in the wall above the toilet and weighed the pros and cons of trying to climb out of it.  Once outside, he could get some clothes from the Impala, but alas his baby was locked and Dean didn’t have the keys…Sam had them.  He’d be damned if he’d ask for them back, never mind that he’d probably get stuck in the window, being that it was about the size of a case of beer.

Nope he was going to have to suck it up and grow a pair.  First step, stop whimpering in the bathroom like a scared little bitch.

*    *    *

Sam knew what Dean was like; he was an extremely sexual person.  His desires were only outweighed by his honour and sense of duty.  Sam could only assume that this was the only reason Dean had never expressed his true feelings and desires for Sam before.  At least Sam hoped Dean had always felt the same otherwise it meant that Dean wasn’t just being a stupid ass, he was really freaking because Sam had pushed him into doing something he didn’t want to.

Sam felt guilty for a second and then it was gone, the memory of Dean’s ardent thrusts chasing the guilt away.  He had made no mistake.  Dean had wanted inside Sam as much as Sam had wanted Dean inside him.

Fuck it!  He needed this.  Hell, they deserved it.  Sam was gonna stop over-thinking everything and just act for once in his life.

Quickly and quietly Sam stripped off his clothes.  Standing in the middle of the room he faced the bathroom door and waited for Dean.  He was surprised at how hard his dick was, you think Dean’s reaction earlier would have put him off but the mere thought of Dean’s eyes roaming over him, filled his flesh.  Hands on his hips, his legs braced apart…he was ready.

He wasn’t gonna let Dean ruin this…they didn’t have time to waste.

*    *    *

Dean opened the door cautiously and attempted a cocky swagger as he exited the dank bathroom. 

It lasted for a total of five seconds. 

Fuck. 

Damn it all to hell and back.  Sam was naked.  He was fucking naked…and hard.  Dean tried to look away but his eyes were draw to Sammy again and again.

Damn.

Son of a bitch!

Okay.  What he needed was a plan of action.  He’d go over to his bags grab some clean clothes and lock himself back inside the bathroom until Sam agreed to put some damn clothes on.  Content with his game plan, Dean was surprised to find himself coming to a stop in front of his brother.

Damn, so much for his plan.  Fuck it!  He was so screwed.  He was pretty sure he’d be able to say “No” to a fully clothed Sam but his fucking brother was buck ass naked and unless Dean was completely misreading the situation, Sammy was making an offering of himself to Dean.

Because he could do nothing else, Dean fell to his knees, and wrapped his arms tight around his little brother, burying his head in Sam’s stomach.  Hard muscles jumped and quivered at Dean’s touch and before he had a chance to come to his senses and move away, Sam was clutching Dean to him just as tight, as if he was anticipating Dean’s intent to pull away, before the thoughts had even formed in his head.

“Oh, god.  Sammy, why are you doing this to me?” Dean muttered, his voice full of despair, his lips brushing against soft warm flesh.

“Fuck Dean,” was all Sammy uttered in response, his hands shaking as he cupped Dean’s face, tipping it so that their eyes met.  “Dean,” he pleaded.

“No…no we can’t.  I can’t.  I won’t!” Dean whispered, pulling away so hard from Sam that he ended up sprawled on the other side of the room, on his backside.

“Fuck you Dean!” Sam practically spat, his face a twisted mask of pain, anger and disappointment.

Dean felt so old all of a sudden.  He was exhausted.  He was done.  At that moment a year almost seemed too long to bear this torture.

Sam surprised Dean by dropping to his knees and letting out a choked sob, “Why? Why won’t you touch me?” he asked, banging his fists on the carpet.

“I’ll cut my hands off before I’ll touch you in that way again,” Dean uttered under his breath but still loud enough for Sam to hear him.  “This isn’t you Sam.  You would never have done this before,” Dean said, trying to make Sam see the truth.

“Before I died, you mean?  Is that the real problem Dean?  Do you think I came back wrong?” Sam taunted, using his fists to brush away the tears that clung to his cheeks.

Dean swallowed back the fear that stuck in the back of his throat at Sam’s suggestion.  It was too damn close to the Yellow Eyed demon’s words back at the graveyard.  “No I don’t,” Dean denied, but his head and his heart were not convinced.

“Nice one Dean, real convincing,” Sam muttered.  “Well, whatever you think I hate to burst your bubble but I’ve always wanted to do this.  Wanted you to touch me.  Wanted to feel you inside me.  Wanted to know what you looked like when you cum,” Sam confessed, crawling closer and closer to where Dean sat confused.

‘What if’s’ swirled around in his head, taunting him.  Making his dick hard with need and just by the possibility of release.  Dean shook his head at Sam in defiance.  “Sammy…don’t,” he begged.

“Don’t what, Dean?  Don’t tell you the truth?  Don’t be a freak? Don’t want you to fuck me again and again?  Don’t want you to cum inside me?  What?  Tell me!” Sam yelled, reaching out to touch Dean’s naked torso.  His touch taking the sting from his voice.

“Sam,” Dean said, meaning it as a warning but it came out sounding more like a moan.   Dean lost himself in Sam’s touch for a moment before reality came slamming home.  “Sam, we can’t; you need to let it go.”

*    *    *

“Let it go?  Let it go?” Sam was yelling again but he couldn’t stop himself.  He was so fucking mad.  Pushing Dean violently, he felt satisfaction when his brother’s back hit the ground hard.  Straddling Dean’s hips before he could move, Sam grabbed a hold of Dean’s hands and held them firm against the carpet above Dean’s head. 

 “Sam, what the fuck?” Dean grunted, when Sam’s weight shifted pinning him in place.

“Let it go?  Like I’m just meant to let you go in a year?” Sam hissed, in Dean’s face.

“Yes,” Dean replied, struggling under Sam.

Using an arm against Dean’s chest, Sam put a stop to Dean’s thrashing about.  “Never gonna happen Dean.  You think I want to be here without you?  Do you?  Cause it’s never gonna happen!  Got me?  If I can’t fix it then you won’t be alone…I don’t want to be here without you…I won’t,” Sam whispered, ending in a sob, he let Dean’s hands go.

*    *    *

With shaking hands Dean, reached out to his brother.  “I had to do it…I couldn’t breathe without you here.  Everything was black and it hurt…god it hurt so much Sammy,” Dean whispered, his voice harsh and broken.

“And how do you think it would be for me?  Alone here without you? Dean, fuck you for even thinking I could survive without you!” Sam bit out, jabbing his finger into Dean’s chest with every word.

Dean understood.  He knew how Sam felt but he wasn’t sorry for what he’d done.  Sam was alive.

He was fucking alive to be here and pissed at Dean.

He wasn’t rotting on some dirty mattress somewhere he was here alive, breathing and bitching at Dean just like he was meant to be.

“I won’t apologise Sammy.  I did the right thing.  I did the right thing and we’re here together…so it’s only for a year.  You were gone for longer than that, you moved on.  Got yourself a new normal life.  You can do that again after I’m gone.  It will be better anyway…normal,” Dean said, trying to make the words sound better than they did in his head.  He thought he’d been successful when Sam smiled at him but then he didn’t see the fist until just before it connected with his chin.

“Damn it Sammy!  What the fuck?” Dean howled, flexing his jaw to see if it was broken.

Dean watched as Sam rubbed the sting from his knuckles, when Dean tried to have a look at Sam’s hand he pulled away and got up to move to the other side of the room.

“Who the fuck said I wanted normal?  Okay, yeah I left.  And I’m sorry I did Dean.  I swear I’m sorry.  Because I left you too.  I didn’t just leave dad but I thought I had to…because I thought if you knew how I really felt.  I thought if you knew how much I wanted to be with you.  I thought you’d hate me.  I never even let myself dream that you might feel the same…so I left.  It wasn’t just all about getting away from dad.  I had to leave.  I thought I had to leave…before you found out, before you left me,” Sam confessed in a whisper.

“Sam,” Dean started to say, getting to his feet but Sam cut him off with a wave of his hand.

“I tried normal Dean.  It didn’t work.  Normal was Jessica and now she’s dead.  You know, she asked me about the day I left you and dad.  I told her how you just let me go.  How you never even tried to stop me.  She said that you must have loved me a lot just to let me go like that.  But I didn’t believe her until today and even that is gone now.  Normal is fucked.  I don’t want normal.  I want you.  Damn, I don’t wanna live if you’re gonna die Dean but I don’t know if I can live without you while you’re still here breathing.  So close to me but so far away.  Why did you bring me back only to deny me?” Sam said, his voice swimming with emotion.

Coming as close to Sam as he could without actually touching him, Dean took a deep shuddering breath.  Sam’s words had shattered something deep inside him.  There was such anguish in his tone and Sam seemed to have shrunk to half his size in front Dean’s very eyes, as if he was broken.  As if Dean had broken him.  With a shaking hand Dean ghosted over Sam’s skin.  Wanting so badly to reach out and touch his brother but he was scared.  So fucking scared.

Dropping his hand back to his side Dean said, “I…but you loved Jess.”

Sam flinched as if Dean had hit him.  “Yeah, I did.  But it wasn’t the same.  It wasn’t me.  I never loved her the way I love you, it didn’t ever even come close,” Sam said, his eyes bright with unshed tears.

“Madison…” Dean muttered, recoiled at the memory of her.

“We thought Madison was normal.  I was trying to give you what you wanted.  You wanted normal for me,” Sam explained, stepping closer to Dean so that their bodies were flush with one another.

“It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you,” Dean said in total agreement, embarrassed about how his breath hitched in the back of his throat when Sam brought his hands up to stroke Dean’s bare shoulders.

It was a shock when Sam grabbed them roughly and shook Dean like he was trying to shake some sense into him or something.  “What about what I wanted?  What about what I want?” Sam muttered, bringing his mouth crashing down on top of Dean’s.

As Sam’s tongue slipped into his mouth and Sam reached for the knot in the towel that covered his waist and pulled it undone and away from Dean leaving him naked, Dean had only one thought…finally.

*    *    *

Sam couldn’t believe that Dean was kissing him back.  God, he was so afraid that Dean was going to pull away from him again liked he’d done earlier.  Sam was so fucking sick of being afraid all the damn time.  Dragging his mouth from Dean’s, he bit Dean’s shoulder hard and then soothed the mark with a leisurely swipe of his tongue.  “You better not be fucking with me again Dean, or I’ll kick your ass,” Sam muttered.

Dean’s response was to bite him back, making Sam smile for the first time in hours.  Dean grinned back at Sam and said, “I’d like to see you try.”

Frustrated Sam wanted to shake Dean again.  “Damn it Dean!  I’m not kidding.  I need to know what’s going to happen next.  I need to know what you’re going to be doing while I’m fighting for you…for us,” Sam said, his eyes boring into Dean’s.  “Are you going to be running from me as fast as you can?”

“Seriously Dude, if you wanna have this conversation you’ve got to stop touching me,” Dean said, surprising Sam.

Looking down he saw his hand stroking a line along Dean’s hipbone.  He was completely unaware that he’d even been doing it.  So fixed was his desire for Dean, now that he’d been allowed to touch Dean in that way, his brain obviously thought it was his right.

“Sorry,” he said, blushing looking at the floor near his feet.  Sam wasn’t sure what else to say, he knew that despite Dean’s humour he was still freaked and Sam was worried that if he pushed Dean, he would go back to telling Sam how wrong their feelings were.

Sam wanted Dean desperately but he wasn’t just after some random quick fuck.  It was Dean.  He wanted everything.  He wanted to be the one for Dean, they way Dean was the one for him.  The only one.

*    *    *

Dean let out a loud sigh, drawing Sam’s attention back to him.  “I can’t promise you that I’m not going to freak out on you Sam, even now as much as I want…you, I’m freaking out.  I’m not going to lie to you about that, but I’m not going to run away and I’m not going to leave you.  Well, not for at least twelve months anyway,” Dean joked, but he had the good sense to look remorseful when Sam’s frown slid into a look of pure panic.  “Sorry, too soon for jokes?  Look these are not new feelings for me Sam.  To know that you’ve felt the same this whole time, that’s new.  And this whole situation is completely fucked, it’s just so…” Dean didn’t know what else to say.  He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to easy the tension building between his eyes.

“Don’t you dare say it’s wrong Dean!  Don’t you fucking dare!“ Sam’s voice was harsh and only made the throbbing worse, his anger clear in the words he spoke to Dean.

“Sam you don’t understand I’ve been fucking everything on two legs since I was nineteen,” Dean said, trying to explain his jumbled thoughts.

“Yeah, I noticed.  It was one more reason I left to go to school, I couldn’t keep watching you go off and fuck all those strangers.  All those girls,” Sam said, coming clean.

“Actually I’ve been with more guys than I have girls and every single one of them had big hands and brown hair,” Dean confessed, watching as his words made sense to Sam.  “As much as I missed you and was pissed at you for leaving and going to Stanford, I was also glad because I didn’t know how much longer I would have been happy with poor substitutes for what I really wanted.”

“But you came and got me when Dad went missing,” Sam said, his voice thick with confusion.

“Yeah, a moment of weakness on my part.  We both know I could have found Dad by myself but I needed to see you…I needed to touch you.  I fucking missed you,” Dean said fisting his hands in Sam’s long tresses.

“So why did you freak out before then?” Sam questioned.

“Because even though I want you Sam, even though every guy I’ve ever been with was a substitute for you, I always knew it was wrong and I promised I’d never hurt you that way,” Dean explained, his answer barely a whisper.

“Hurt me? Dean, now that is fucked up.  You are the only person alive or dead who has never ever hurt me,” Sam asserted, wrapping his own hands around Dean’s wrists holding them as if to prevent Dean from bolting.

“It’s my job to look after you Sammy.  You’re my baby brother,” Dean’s voice broke into a sob which he choked down.  “I abused you.”

“Damn it Dean!  You didn’t abuse me!  I wanted you.  I still do.  We’re two consenting adults who love one another, which is more than most people can claim,” Sam said, his grip tightening it’s hold on Dean.  “You do love me right?”

Dean gave him the ‘look’, the one that said ‘you’re kidding right?’

“Dude, I just sold my soul to the devil or well, one of them anyway, to save your sorry ass.  What do you think?  Do I love you?” Dean bit out.

“I know you love me, we’re brothers, but are you in love with me?” Sam asked and it was his turn for his voice to break.

“Sammy…I…” Dean whispered, shaking his head.

“Dean, you are my whole world.  The only one I can count on.  The only one I’ve ever wanted to be with.  Why won’t you let me be the one for you?” Sam asked, his eyes full of unshed tears.

Dean kissed him instead of answering.  Hands moving from Sam’s hair to his cheeks, cupping them holding Sam’s head in place while Dean attacked his mouth, sipping at his lips like a man dying of thirst.  Pushing Sam down onto the bed, Dean straddled his lap, settling back down on Sam’s naked thighs, hissing through his teeth when their cocks made contact, sliding against each other as Dean thrust his tongue in and out of Sam’s hot wet mouth.

Dean finally forced himself to pull away.  There was something he needed to do.  Climbing off his brother he went over to his duffle and dragged out a pair of jeans, pulling them on he left them unbuttoned.  Grabbing his keys from where Sam had put them on a coffee table, Dean was half way out the door before Sam spoke, “What? Where are you going?”

“I’ll be right back…promise but if we’re going to do this again, then we’re going to do it right this time,” Dean said by way of an explanation.

*    *    *

Dean unlocked the Impala and slid into the driver’s seat.  For a second he thought about fleeing but Sam’s naked body was waiting for him inside and Dean had discovered his Achilles heel.  He wasn’t going anywhere…at least not voluntarily.

Feeling around under his seat he grabbed a small tube of lube, his reason for leaving Sam alone and hard.  Reaching a hand down to his cock he squeezed himself hard, ridges of denim pressing into his flesh, causing just the right amount of pain mixed with his pleasure.

Through hazy eyes and the Impala’s windscreen he saw Sammy pull back the curtain’s and look for him.  Letting go of himself with a growl, he go out of the car, locked it and hurried back to their room.

“Get back on the bed,” he ordered, his words coming out in short bursts.

Shucking off his jeans as he made his way to the bed, he uncapped the lube and slicked his cock.  He had wanted to wait.  Spend more time than they had the first time.  He wanted to taste Sam, to learn all his secrets but he couldn’t wait.  He needed this now.  Needed Sam now.  “I can’t wait,” he hissed through his teeth.

“Good,” Sam said, triumph in his eyes.  “I don’t want to wait.”

Nodding Dean, slid two fingers slick with lube hard into Sam.  Bringing his eyes to meet Sam’s he watched as they fluttered closed.  Sam tried to buck up and into Dean, begging without words for more.

Dean was gonna give him what he wanted.  He would give Sammy everything.  He’d never asked for anything in return.  But this he needed this more than he needed oxygen.  This he was going to take.

Sam was his.

It was his right.  It was right.

Barely giving himself a chance to pull his fingers free, Dean thrust his cock deep inside Sam’s waiting ass.  “Fuck,” he grunted.  Damn, his brother was tight.

Fuck!  He kept forgetting that Sam had been a virgin before Dean had thrust inside him a couple of hours ago.  “Sammy?  Baby?  Are you okay?  Do you want me to stop?”

Sam’s response to Dean’s questions was to wrap his legs tight around Dean’s ass locking him in place so that all he could do was slam in and out of his little brother’s tight hole.  “Don’t…you…fucking…dare,” he panted, pulling Dean’s mouth down to met his own.

Jesus.

Dean felt like he was drowning.  The world was spinning around him a kaleidoscope of shapes and colours but his vision of Sam never wavered.  He was clear and perfect nestled in Dean’s arms.

Dipping his head, Dean licked the sweat that pooled along Sam’s collar bone and bit him gentle as payback for Sam’s love bite earlier.  Dean marvelled at being so close to someone.  He’d never fucked any of the guys he’d been with face to face.  It would have ruined his fantasy of them being Sam.  But he couldn’t imagine fucking Sam any other way but face to face, cock to cock, mouth upon mouth.

Practiced strokes turned into brutal thrusts that had no other purpose other than to get as close and as deep inside Sammy as he could.

Sam was biting his lip but it couldn’t stop the small mewing sounds that he was making in the back of his throat, making Dean’s dick even harder they seemed to be controlling his body.

“Dean? Dean? Dean?” Sam chanted, wrapping his large hands around Dean’s forearms, stroking the muscles as they rippled from the force of Dean’s movements.

“Oh fuck, what is it Sammy?” Dean asked, gripping Sam’s hips tight his fingers digging into the hard flesh there.

“Fuck!  Dean, you gotta touch me,” Sam begged.

Confused Dean looked down at all the places their flesh met.  “I am touching you.”

“Dean…” Sam whined, his breath coming out in short gasps now.  “Touch my fucking cock, you  asshole!”

Dean couldn’t help it; he started to laugh.  Everything that they’d been through in the last twenty-four hours seemed to fall away from him, leaving him feeling free and alive.  “I’m sorry,” he said between chuckles.

“Fucker!” Sam grunted.

Ignoring Sam’s pleas for Dean to stroke his cock, he bent down and licked the angry looking purple head instead.  Never breaking eye contact, he licked the head a second time and fucked Sam’s ass hard and deep.

One more stroke and Sam was cuming all over Dean’s tongue.

That was it.  All Dean need to join him was the knowledge of what Sam tasted like and he was shooting everything he had inside his brother’s cock-hugging ass. 

Groaning he pulled out his dick, he was totally spent and then Sam reached down to his ass and dipped a finger in the cum leaking from his hole.  Bringing the finger to his mouth he tasted Dean, making Dean’s dick twitch in appreciation.

“Fuck me…” he muttered, flopping down onto the bed.

Sitting up, Sam used his hands to tease a line down Dean’s thighs making his cock even harder.  Letting out a loud yawn, Sam threw himself down onto the bed next to Dean and said, “Maybe later okay?” before dragging Dean up against him like he was a rag doll.

*    *    *

With Sammy wrapped around him like a vine, Dean felt whole.  He knew it was completely fucked but Sam was right, their entire life had been fucked up from the get go but at least they were together.  At least they had each other.  No one else was ever going to belong in their world.  Everyone else died.  Dean knew his time would come but as he fell asleep wrapped in the warmth of his lover, he knew Sam would fight for him.  He knew that he’d never be alone because Sam wouldn’t let him.  He just wouldn’t allow it.  Fuck they’d walk into hell and back for each other, if that wasn’t love Dean didn’t know the meaning of the fucking word and he didn’t want to.

Turning slightly so that he could reach Sammy’s lips with his own, he brushed their mouths together.

“I love you Sammy,” he whispered.

“I love you too Dean,” Sam said, with a yawn.

“Sam?” Dean said, his lips grazing Sam’s warm skin.

“Hmm?” Sam grunted.

“You are the one,” Dean confessed, closing his eyes he tightened his hold on his brother and snuggled down deep into Sam’s arms.

_So before I end my day, remember…_  
My sweet prince, you are the one  


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